A College Retrospective 24-05-2011

This past Thursday, I graduated from George Mason University as a Bachelor of Science in Computer Science. The significance of this moment did not strike me until the next day when I realized that, in fact, I am now finished with an entire segment of my life. Through kindergarten, elementary school, middle school, high school and college, I spent seventeen of the first twenty-one years of my life passing through the American educational system; and now, what lies ahead is essentially the rest of my life. In this sense, graduation from college, unless you are immediately heading into graduate school, is a transition into full responsibility, maturity and, ultimately, the real world.

Since Thursday, I've been feeling retrospective. I have defined myself as a student for a long time. Scholarly by nature and by trade, my behavior was centered around my studies: of mathematics, of computer science and of the world. Of course, as a student progresses into the rest of his/her life, learning and education are not left behind. You continue to learn new things and gain wisdom every day. But the academic environment is, for most of us, left behind. And for all of the talk of the ivory tower and the myopic disdain of the real world, the truth is that college provides an atmosphere of valuable learning, of the exchange of ideas and of new horizons.

Character Building

Coming out of high school, I lacked focus and, to a large degree, self-motivation. A great deal of my time was spent pursuing fun and nothing else. Daily marathon video game sessions provided my mental stimulation, a standard rotation of mostly trivial web sites provided my only reading, random Wikipedia articles provided the foundation of my personal studies. I was the standard media-obsessed teenager: no work ethic, no desire to develop any.

That changed thanks in part to the nature of college. The sheer jump in work load from high school to college is akin to sink or swim: I witnessed numerous students falter who were unwilling or unable to take higher education seriously. The effect on me, however, was wholly positive as I was forced to develop a work ethic that would allow me to survive and thrive in the rigorous Computer Science curriculum. As courses grew in difficulty and the size and scope of projects increased and exams became more challenging and homework became more plentiful and research became more necessary, my work ethic and determination grew to match the new challenges. It comes from the idea that one should always improve: constantly placing yourself out of your comfort zone allows your abilities to grow to fill that challenging new arena. I went from lazy good-for-nothing to dedicated work horse over the span of the first year. The fact that college essentially threw me into the big leagues proved to be transformative.

But it's not just about becoming a better or more productive worker. College affects an individual's character right down to its core. Though college is for most of us a transitionary place, somewhere between irresponsibility and full responsibility, it is also where we find full exposure to the world outside of our shells.

There is always something happening on a bustling college campus. Sociopolitical student groups and unions, protests, charity drives, campaigns for all sorts of efforts... all commonplace. But, for those of us on diverse campuses, it is a place for learning of new cultures and new peoples. High schools, which typically serve one to two communities and neighborhoods, tend to be a bit insular (at least, outside of urban centers). Everyone comes from similar backgrounds and has similar futures ahead of them and it is all very drab and uniform. A major university serves students and employs faculty from all around the world. People of different ethnicities, nationalities, philosophies, belief systems, cultures, societies and mindsets come together to learn. And while learning about Biology or Economics or Art History, you learn about your peers and your professors and your fellow scholars.

And the process of becoming open-minded about other people tends to breed similar curiosities about the issues we face in the world around us. Before beginning college, I was mostly apathetic to political, social and economic issues. This ties into the fun-loving, care-free personality that I had wrapped myself in, like a cloak designed to protect me from anything uncomfortable. Finding and interacting with such a diverse group of people drew out my natural interests about the world. I will always remember during the first semester when I found out that most students did not in fact have their education paid for by their parents. I will always feel the electricity that permeated the dorms that night when President Obama was elected. I will never forget the horror that I felt speaking to a friend whose relatives had experienced the My Lai Massacre.

Every time I met someone from different circumstances and with different perspectives, I become more acutely aware, both of self and of others. My political, social, economic, philosophical, cultural, environmental and humanitarian selves were tremendously altered from the college experience. A great part of it, I think, is that most of the youthful college students come of age together: as you grow, those around you grow, and the net effect of the mass metamorphosis is much greater than the sum of its parts. It is the joint development of people who are, hopefully, open-minded, forward-thinking and caring for their fellow Man.

So, perhaps above all else, the college experience molded me into a better person.

Life Preparation

A significant part of higher education is meant to prepare one for a healthy and successful career. This involves imparting the skills and knowledge necessary to succeed in your field. And I would have to say that the Computer Science department at George Mason University definitely succeeded in this regard. A few exceptions aside, most professors were intelligent, approachable and (seemingly) caring of their students' success. And the curriculum was structured to give students a broad view of the field. CS 101 was, according to one professor, designed to hammer home the point that "Computer Science is not Computer Programming" by introducing a wide variety of topics and research efforts within CS. A multitude of electives provided students a chance to sort of customize and tailor their education, both with pragmatic courses such as Databases and Operating Systems and more exotic courses such as Artificial Intelligence and Autonomous Robotics. I was able to pick courses from all over to give myself a general, wide-scope perspective on the field.

But aside from knowledge, experience and skills, a critical step in preparation for the rest of one's life is the development of mental capacity. For scientists, engineers and other technically-inclined people, capabilities such as linear thinking, spatial recognition and critical and analytical thinking are what allow one to charge through challenging, dense problems. They allow one to logically navigate through the puzzles and mazes that we will see every day for the rest of our lives. This is one of the great achievements of higher education: to transfuse these capabilities into the minds of dedicated students. The material within courses, and particularly the overlap of material between seemingly disjoint courses, trains and conditions the mind. By the end of college, the student is not just "smarter" but clearer and more logical in thought and approach.

I am particularly grateful for this aspect of higher education. Coming out of high school, I had the appearance of true intelligence because of a photographic memory: I was able to remember everything, in books, on whiteboards and on worksheets, and regurgitate this material ad nauseum. Exams, quizzes, homework assignments? Easy when you see the material in your head. It's just transcription. But this does not always work in college, especially when you are engaged and interested. I was lucky enough to have found the field that I was in love with; the material just naturally leapt out at me. And because I cared about what I was learning and (most of my) college courses were much more focused toward application of knowledge than simple, inert memorization via examination, my mind had to develop the modes of thought necessary to understand the inherently complex and dense material in the CS curriculum. Again: sink or swim.

Computer Science and Software Engineering happened to be fields which I understood and enjoyed. So I was dedicated. And because I was dedicated, I was able to swim. And because I was able to swim, I became a clearer thinker, faster learner and generally more logical and rational person.

Issues

But not all is peachy and bright in academia. Coming into college, I had the feeling that higher education was one of the remaining institutions which was perfectly benevolent. Total focus on the student and his/her success is roughly what I expected. I learned rather quickly, though, that universities are businesses. They provide education as a service and the student pays dearly. At the start of my second semester, I was faced with the proposition of paying $700+ in book costs from the campus bookstore. I thought that this was outrageous: professors change barely non-trivial amounts of material in their textbooks, increment the edition number by one and students are on the hook for a brand new $175 text book that the instructor claims is mission critical for the course. It was always a topic of conversation among my friends at the start of the first few semesters before we simply became used to it. A professor overheard this talk at the start of a course one morning and interjected (paraphrasing), "College is a business like any other. If you don't like the prices, you can place your economic vote elsewhere. We'll be just fine without you." It was ignorant. It was awakening.

Cost is prohibitive for many. Everyone who has a vested interest in the perpetuation of the system has the canned response, "Student aid is always available." Of course the tens to hundreds of thousands of dollars of debt are always available. We know that. "Scholarships, grants, etc." is the follow-up. Well, as time passes education becomes more and more of a standard barrier of entry into becoming a contributing member of society. To provide everyone with the opportunity to succeed, to provide a level playing field, it would seem that one of two things must happen: either a) the economic standard for accessing the increasingly required college education is lowered or b) the requirement for a college degree is lowered and it becomes more of a luxury. Instead, the financial costs are rising, the variety of hoops to jump through are becoming more numerous and complexly arranged and the need for a college degree is passing into every industry and sector like osmosis. Why should a Bachelor's degree be required for Administrative Assistant-type employment? Why not provide two-three weeks of on-the-job training? Because it's easier for the private sector to pass the buck on training elsewhere. And because it's profitable for universities to take more and more high school graduates in droves, everyone with a profit motive on the chain from education to employment gets a cut. Sure, the student gets to join the job market with severe debt that is not dischargeable through bankruptcy. But, hey: what's employment for if not to pay off one's debts? Student gets education for a better life. Student gets debt. Student gets job to pay off debt. The cycle perpetuates.

And I must say that I buy all of the recent talk of a higher education bubble. The high school diploma used to be the standard educational requirement for most industries; the Bachelor's degree has supplanted it. And, it seems, the Master's degree is starting to do the same. I cannot believe how many job ads in software engineering that I have seen that have required an M.S. for what is essentially entry-level work. It is completely inane. "Desire a talented, rock star, ninja candidate for entry-level engineer position. Master of Science in Computer Science or related field required. Two to three years of experience required." Hmm...

At the graduation ceremony for my relatively average-sized university last week, there were some 400 students in the Volgenau School for IT & Engineering alone who were graduating with a Master of Science degree. A significant majority of these students were in fields such as Applied Information Technology, Information Systems and Telecommunications. It hardly seems necessary. And yet the pressures exerted by the private sector which desires increasingly better trained employees at the same pay scale demands that students pursue these educational paths.

One cannot in good faith blame the student who has to throw herself into debt to compete in an increasingly tough job market when she finds little suitable work available, is "over-qualified" for what she can find and has to default on her student loans. But it's the norm. It's expected. Shoulders shrug and we continue on past graduation with the knowledge that we don't have to deal with it anymore. The student does. I'm not sure how to change it. I have a cynical feeling that the entire education-employment system is "too big to fail" and too complex to re-structure without a complete tear-down. But I faithfully believe that it should be changed. Somehow.

Memories

Social commentary aside, my feeling is that the college days are a wonderful time in a person's life. It is a place and a time where one can develop meaningful relationships, learn new and exciting things about the world and truly find one's self. I, for one, will always cherish my memories of college.

I'll remember the funny moments, like a professor adamantly telling a friend that his last name was spelled incorrectly for the past several generations.

I'll remember the frustrating moments, like a professor beginning the new semester by telling the class that he did not want to teach the course anymore, but he wrote the book and they had no one else to teach it so there he was.

I'll remember the triumphant feeling that I had with each A and the double-downed determination that I felt when I earned a C+.

I'll remember the special moments, like shaking the hand of and conversing with a close, personal friend of the Dalai Lama.

I'll remember the gratitude that I felt every time I reached out for help and received it -- and every time that I returned it in kind.

I'll remember the incessant, hyper-focused study sessions that I locked myself within before each and every exam.

I'll remember the enlightening moments, like the first time I compiled my own code and I read those magical words, "Hello, world!"

I'll remember the pride that I felt when I heard "Joshua Essex" and walked across the stage to the downright thunderous applause of family and friends.

And I'll remember that complex amalgamation of feelings and senses that I had on that last day of class when I laid on the grass hill and bathed in the uncommonly warm sunlight. When I really had time to collect what I had gone through without a single thought of what resided ahead. As my face embraced the warm rays, it was one of the few times in life that I have felt perfectly in the moment. So much time in this increasingly fast-paced world is spent looking back in analysis and ahead in prognostication. Everyone wants to know what is going to happen next. Everyone wants to know how they can improve upon past failures. But for that one hour on that grassy hill, I looked nowhere but inside. And I felt happy with what I saw and with who I had become.

College is over. The days of innocence and never-ending adolescent joy-seeking are over. I'm playing for keeps now. Decisions carry real weight for the first time. I entered the university as a kid with little direction and no cares. I left as a real person with thoughts, feelings, principles and memories. I'm a bit sad that it is over. I'm a great deal excited for what comes next. My curiosity is piqued and my attention is focused fully ahead.

I wrote this to provide myself with a sense of closure. I can now say that I feel it. I do not know if I will go back for further education. But I do not want or need to think about that right now. The next, immediate links in the chain of moments that are my life are falling into place and I have every intent to get started.

Future Josh: if you are ever reading this again, never forget what you learned and who you became at these points in space-time. Remember it always and use it to empower yourself.

And if any young students should come across this, consider it a call to arms to take education seriously, but more importantly to take it all in stride and to enjoy the moment. You may never experience times quite like these ever again.